SPD 6- “What is Normal?”

“Hey Sage, over here!” Dallas called from the table he and our friends sat at. I sat down with them.

“Hey guys.” I said.

“So, how did your physical go?” Ava asked.

“Ok I guess.”

“You sound worried.”

“I just hate physicals.”

“Why?” Angie asked.

“Because Sage is a genetic anomaly and he’s always worried something will be wrong.” Bridget said.

I glared at her.

“Really?” Ava asked.

“Yeah, genetically Sage shouldn’t be a boy.” Sammi confirmed.

“But obviously he is…so what happened?” Angie asked.

“Like I said, genetic anomaly. Freak of Saturn royal nature.” Bridget said.

“OK, that’s enough.” I said.

“It’s ok Sage, we love you anyway.”

Yes, my name is Sage Carson and I’m a genetic anomaly. I hate being defined by that, but it’s hard when it’s such an obvious anomaly. I’m also 17 and SPD Blue…but people seem to overlook that and point out my anomaly most.

Just to explain why I’m anomaly…I’m a boy. I’m also the offspring of Sataurian royalty. The last male offspring was my great-grandfather, King Malachite. He was an only child and thus the only one that could take over the Saturn throne. Saturn has always been ruled by female heirs and it bothered the royal court greatly that they had to hand over the Queendom to a male. After that they altered the King’s genes so that he could only produce female offspring and that genetic code has been passed through the generations ever since. Long story short, my mother shouldn’t have been able to carry me to term. Theoretically her body shouldn’t have allowed her to become pregnant with me. Her body should have rejected the fertilization with male sperm. Clearly that didn’t happen in my case and here I am. Since I was born my parents have always been extra concerned about my health and my family had a hard time accepting that I was a male. Everyone seems to finally have come to terms with it and they treat me like any other member of the family now…but that being said, my health is always a concern just because I’m not even supposed to be here. So yes, I don’t really like physicals. I do always worry they will find something weird that’s wrong with me. It’s hard being the only Sataurian boy.

“Can we just stop harping on my anomaly? I’m more than that you know.” I snapped.

“Yeah, I know…geez. Sensitive much?” Bridget asked.

“We’re sorry Sage. I didn’t realize it bothered you so much.” Sammi said.

“Yeah, well it really does. It’s a consistent reminder that I’m different and that I shouldn’t even be here.” I said.

“I can see that.”

“Are you all finished eating? We have to get to SWAT Tactics.” Angie said.

“Yes, yes. Heaven forbid we’re late to that.” Bridget said.

“I don’t want to face the wrath of Officer Morrison, do you?” Sammi asked.

Bridget rolled her eyes, “LILLI isn’t that bad.”

“Do you have any respect for authority at all?” Angie snapped.

“Of course I do.” Bridget said.

I sighed, “Bridget, you know you’re supposed to refer to superiors by their title.”

“But Lilli doesn’t care if we call her Lilli.”

“She makes a point Angie. If it doesn’t bother the person being addressed it really shouldn’t bother you.”

Angie sighed, “Fine, whatever. Can we go? I don’t want to be late.”

We headed to SWAT training and put on our gear.

“OK, remember, the purpose of SWAT is for high danger situations that require special care and tactical force. We’re going to try a simulation today. Here’s the set up, an alien is holding three hostages in an abandoned warehouse. You know he is heavily armed but you don’t know what weaponry he has. Your goal is to contain the perp while saving the hostages. Any questions?” Lilli asked.

“Do we have a negotiator?” I asked.

“No, you have no form of communication with the perp. If there’s no other questions then step into the simulation and begin.”

We geared up and stepped into the simulator.

“OK, we need eyes and ears. Bridget, can you invisible your way in and tell us if the hostages are alive?” Angie asked.

“Yes.” Bridget replied.

“I can do that too.” I said.

“I know, but I need you on the ground with us. You’re more experienced.” Angie said.

“Exactly, better to send me in because I have more experience.”

“My orders are clear.”

“Fine.”

“Go Bridget.” Angie said.

“Ok.” Bridget went inside and reported back that the hostage were in fact alive and that the perp had at least 3 guns and possibly some explosives. The problem was she forgot that going invisible doesn’t mean you can’t be heard and she didn’t use digression when reporting back. The perp heard her and started firing.

“Shots fired, shots fired, take cover!” Angie cried.

“Bridget!” I cried. I was worried about my sister and not paying enough attention to what was happening around me. I certainly didn’t see the explosive flying at me.

“Sage! Look out!” Dallas cried as he tackled me and threw up a force field to protect us.

Now the normal reaction to that would have been fear, gratitude, disbelief, or some combination of the three. My reaction was not any of that. Dallas had landed on top of me and all I could think about in that moment was how good he smelt and how much I liked being this close to him. Dallas was like a brother to me…why was I having these thoughts.

Before I could analyze it any further the simulation turned off and Dallas helped me up.

“That was pitiful!” Lilli said as she joined us, “Your hostages are dead and quite possibly so are you.”

“I’m sorry.” Bridget said softly.

“It’s not just you Bridget, Angie, what were you thinking sending a rookie inside?”

“She’s A-squad just like us.” Angie replied.

“She’s not just like you and you know that. Your second in command pointed that out to you and you brushed him off. Part of being a good leader is knowing when to listen to suggestion. Sage would have been the better choice for the task. And Sage, I know Bridget is your baby sister but you have to put those feelings aside on the battle field. You would have gotten yourself killed if not for Dallas. Dallas, good job. You were quick on your feet and on task. I’m very disappointed in your over all performance as a team. I expect more from A-squad. I want you all to reflect on what happened here today and I expect a much better performance tomorrow.” Lilli said.

“Yes ma’am.” We all said.

My friends all went to the rec room but I went outside to the courtyard. I needed time to think. I sat on a bench and started to analyze the feelings I’d had about Dallas. These were feelings that I’d heard Bridget describe about guys she liked. I never really understood when she had a crush on a guy because I’d never had those types of feelings for girls…even when girls did like me…like Ava…I didn’t return the affection. I never really gave it much thought because I’d always had other things going on…although I had always noticed if I saw an abnormally attractive guy…but I didn’t think anything of it. The more I pondered my emotions the more it came back to one undeniable conclusion. I was gay.

I was pulled from my thoughts of self revelation by my sister sitting next to me.

“What’s wrong Sagey?” she asked as she put her arm around me.

“Just doing some thinking.” I replied.

“You’re upset about the SWAT failure?”

“Nah, not really.”

“Then what’s going on?”

“I’m not sure I want to talk about it.”

“You tell me everything. What’s so wrong you can’t tell your adorable, sweet, and sympathetic baby sister?”

I sighed. She was right. I told her everything and I didn’t want to start keeping stuff from her now. “Fine, I’ll tell you, but you can’t tell anybody.”

“You know you can trust me.”

“OK fine. The thing is…I…you see…I’m…I’m gay.”

Bridget blinked, “I know. And?”

I looked at her, “You know? How did you know? I didn’t even know.”

“It’s kinda obvious.”

“You don’t care?”

“Why would I? You’re my brother. I love you. Why would I care what gender you happen to be attracted to?”

“Thanks Bre.” I said hugging her.

“I don’t think anyone will care. You don’t have to hide it.”

“Well, Dallas might.”

“Because you share a room with him?”

“Yeah…and because I think I have a crush on him.”

Bridget looked at me, “Ok, now that I didn’t see coming.”

“I know. Neither did I.”

“You know Dallas likes girls, right?”

“Yeah, believe me, I know.”

“So what are you going to do?”

“Try to will the crush away?”

Bridget laughed, “Good luck with that.”

“You think I should tell the team?”

“I do. I think you should tell Mom and Dad first.”

“Should I go call them?”

“I think that maybe you should ask them to visit. You need to see their reaction so you know that it doesn’t matter to them.”

I nodded, “OK.”

I went inside and used the phone to call home.

“Hello?” Mom answered.

“Mom, hey.” I said.

“Sage! Hey baby boy. How are you doing?”

“I’m ok…but…do you think you and Dad could come for a visit?”

“Um, sure. Is everything ok?”

“Everything is fine…I think. I just need to see you guys.”

“OK, we can be there tomorrow.”

“Sounds great. I’ll see you guys then.”

“Ok. You’re sure you’re ok?”

“Yeah. I’m sure. I love you Mom.”

“I love you too Sage.”

That night I was sitting in the living room watching TV with Skye, Bridget and Aunt Sydney trying to keep my mind from picturing the worst about tomorrow.

“Sage, are you ok sweetie? You seem a little out of is.” Aunt Syd said.

“Just a lot on my mind.” I said.

“You mom told me you asked her and your father to come visit tomorrow. Are you sure you’re ok?”

“Aunt Savannah and Uncle Bridge are coming tomorrow?” Skye asked.

“Yes. They should be here by lunch.”

“Sage is fine. He just wants to see our parents. I do too.” Bridget said.

“That’s all it is? Homesickness?” Aunt Syd asked.

“Something like that.” I said.

“You know you can tell us Sage. We’re your family too.” Skye said.

“You’re right. You are. And I’ll tell you all exactly what’s going on but I’d like to tell my parents first.” Sage said.

“Ok, fair enough. We can respect that.” Aunt Syd said as Uncle Sky and Dallas walked in.

“Hey guys.” Dallas said.

“Hey Dal.” Skye replied.

“Is dinner ready? I’m starving.”

“Excuse me sir?” Aunt Sydney asked.

“I mean, hi Mom, how was your day?”

“Dallas Landon Tate, you know better than to expect dinner on the table…and with that tone.”

“Your mother is right, that is disrespectful and completely uncalled for. Apologize.” Uncle Sky said.

“Sorry Mom.” Dallas sighed.

“And yes, dinner is in the oven, not that I should give you any.” Aunt Sydney said.

“Please.”

“You can eat, but you’re cleaning the kitchen your self.”

“But it’s Skye and Bridget’s night!”

Uncle Sky raised an eyebrow.

“I mean, I would love to switch nights with the girls.” Dallas said.

Uncle Sky made a face.

Dallas sighed, “OK, fine. I would love to take over the girls’ night and still do my night tomorrow.”

“There ya go. Let’s eat.” Aunt Sydney said.

We all went to the table and sat at our normal places and Aunt Sydney served dinner. It was just like any other night, except that I now was aware of my feelings for Dallas and I was fighting the urge to stare at him.

Bedtime was no cake walk either. I was thankful we had bunk beds and that I was on the top bunk so he couldn’t see me. I don’t think I slept much that night.

The next morning I anxiously awaited my parents’ arrival. By the time they got there I was terribly nervous. They came to the house and everyone greeted everyone.

“So, Sage, care to tell us why you called us here?” Mom finally asked.

“Yes. Can we talk alone?” I asked.

“Of course, Dallas, Skye, Bre, let’s go.” Uncle Sky said as he opened the door for Aunt Sydney.

“Actually, Bre can stay.” I said.

“OK, kids, move it.” Uncle Sky said.

“But…” Dallas started.

“I’ll talk to you guys after my parents. Just give me 15 minutes.” I said.

Uncle Sky nodded and herded his family out.

My parents sat down and Bre and I sat across from them.

“OK, what is this about Sage? We’re worried now.” Mom said.

“You know you can tell us anything.” Dad added.

“I know…” I sighed.

“It’s ok Sage. Tell them.” Bre said as she held my hand.

“Ok…it’s just…” I froze.

“Just say the words Sage. Say it and it’ll be over.”

She was right. Two words and the worst would be over. “I’m gay.”

Mom and Dad just looked at me for a second. Then Mom sighed with relief.

“Oh thank god. I was worried something was wrong.” She said.

“Why were you scared to tell us that?” Dad asked.

“I didn’t know how you would react.” I said.

“Sage, we love you no matter what. Being gay isn’t a big deal. It just means someday we’ll have two son-in-laws instead of a daughter-in-law.” Mom said.

“I told you they’d be ok with it.” Bre said.

“You don’t think I’m a freak or that this is proof my anomaly messed me up?” I asked.

“What? No! Sage, you might medically be an anomaly but you’re a normal boy in every way I’ve seen. Even if this is part of the anomaly that doesn’t make you a freak. Being gay is something you’re born with, for whatever the reason, just the same as Bre was born straight. It’s just a trait, like blue eyes or brown hair.” Dad said.

“Your father is right. You’re a normal boy. There isn’t anything wrong with you.” Mom agreed.

A few minutes later when everyone got back I told them. Uncle Sky and Aunt Sydney reacted just like my parents. Skye reacted like Bre did. Dallas was the only one with an issue.

“Whoa, you mean…you don’t like girls? Seriously?” he asked.

“Right.” I confirmed.

“Dallas, this isn’t that big of a deal.” Aunt Sydney said.

“Maybe not to you. I share a room with him. Do you…ya know…have a thing for me?” Dallas asked.

I sighed. I couldn’t lie. “I have a crush…yes. But I respect you enough to never act on it. I know you don’t feel the same.”

“Eww, god, dude, that’s disgusting. I thought we were like brothers man.”

I closed my eyes and took a breath, “It’s not like I meant for this to happen. And you are like a brother to me. I don’t know why I feel this way.”

“Because you’re a disgusting freak?”

“Dallas, that’s enough!” Aunt Sydney cried.

“Sage is not a freak.” Mom said.

“Dallas, did you like Sage before he told you this?” Uncle Sky asked.

“Yeah, he was my brother…my best friend.” Dallas said.

“Ok, then that hasn’t changed. He’s still the exact same person he was before you obtained this knowledge. The thing that’s changed is you.”

“If you want me to move out, I will.” I said.

“I do.” Dallas said.

“Not a chance. Sage, you are a member of this family and you’re not going anywhere. Everything stays just the way it is. Dallas needs to learn tolerance.” Aunt Sydney said.

“Your mother is right. I think you need to take a long hard look at your reaction and determine why you’re being such an intolerant brat.” Uncle Sky said.

Dallas stood up, “Fine. Whatever.” He stormed out of the house.

“I’m really sorry about that Sage. This doesn’t matter to the rest of us, truly.” Aunt Sydney said.

“I should tell the rest of the team.” I said.

“I’m pretty sure Sammi and Clarissa already know.” Bre said.

“Still.”

Uncle Sky nodded, “You’re right. We should tell them before Dallas does. Let’s go.”

After I told the rest of my team (and Clarissa), their reaction was neutral. Bre was right. Sammi and Clarissa had figured it out. Angie couldn’t have cared less if she tried. Ava seemed almost happy about it. I guess it made the reason I rejected her make more sense. So far everyone but Dallas had been fine with this. Dallas was clearly very upset. I needed to find him.

I went outside to the basketball court and found him there shooting hoops.

“Game of horse?” I asked.

“Go away.” He snapped.

“OK, I get it, you’re scared I’d beat you.”

“Not a chance.”

“OK then, we on?”

“Fine.”

We started playing and I finally spoke.

“You know I’m still me.” I said.

“But you’re not the you I thought I knew…and you have feelings for me that I’m not comfortable with.”

“Have you considered it’s only because I’m closest to you so I developed feelings for someone safe? Someone that I trust and that would never reciprocate? I mean I’ll find another guy to like but I will never find another brother or best friend.”

Dallas sighed, “You really think you can put aside your feelings?”

“Um, yeah. Dude, I said I had a crush…I’m not in love with you. You’re not that irresistible.”

Dallas laughed, “You never know.”

“So we cool?”

Dallas nodded, “Yeah. We cool.”

Thank god everything was ok. And truth be told, now that I had realized who I was and why I had the feelings I did I was more comfortable in my own skin…most importantly I knew I had friends and family that would always be there for me no matter what.